Got my act together fairly early and walked to the gym after breakfast. Worked out, then spent five hours applying to jobs. There’s one that I’m hopeful for, but I’ve really got to push for a connection. That’ll be tomorrow. I will knock on the C.E.O.’s door if I have to.
Walked home, ate, ate too much, and felt a little gross. I’m writing this from the bathtub, listening to Mariah Carey’s Butterfly. No matter what, that album always makes me feel better. Like this bath, it’s a warm hug that I can kind of lose myself in. Got to be careful not to drown in it, though.
I get sad when I’m at my apartment sometimes. I guess a part of it is Logan, too. I miss having that company. I enjoy having someone to take care of, and for them to be there for me. And I want to message him, but I know that’s just a crutch. What’s it going to solve? If anything, it’ll just annoy him. I don’t want to scare him away.
So, I listen to “Babydoll” and wish Logan would want to talk to me. I’m lonely. I’m broke, I’m unemployed, and I’m unhappy with myself. But mostly, I’m lonely. At least, I think I am. I want to compare myself to others less, but it’s hard. It’s hard to see others have what you want so badly but just can’t seem to achieve. Then again, appearances can be deceiving.
Goodnight xo
@yalittlenasty Instagram post from this morning.
"Babydoll" - Mariah Carey