August 30

After a very fast 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. day at The Clubhouse, I had a fantastic early dinner with Katya.

Much to my pleasant surprise, I found out tonight that Katya’s not just home from London for a summer visit. In order to deal with her European passport, she’s going to be in town for at least six more weeks! I actually didn’t know this, but Katya’s parents were refugees from Communist Poland. They fled to Italy while pregnant with Katya, which is where she was eventually born.

Katya has some sort of magical power over me. Not only does she make me feel amazing about myself and life in general, but she is always so encouraging. Katya is such a light in my life. The girl has an incredible energy to be around. I am so happy that she’s going to be in town for a while. When Katya told me the news, I completely lit up. I love Katya. It should come as no surprise that she’s the one who is responsible for bringing me out of my shell all those years ago.

We talked about everything. Work, boys, and what we want from our lives. Katya has been dating the same pilot for over a year now – the one she told me about last summer during our now annual catch-up session – but it seems like he’s changed. If not “changed,” then perhaps reverted back to the person he tried to cover up in an attempt to woo Katya when they first started seeing one another. Now, Katya isn’t feeling the relationship as much as she used to. I suppose that would explain Katya’s relaxed position on her extended trip home, as well as her lack of a return flight to London.

Isn’t that scary, though? Katya’s rocky relationship reminds me of our family friend Carrie, and how her current situation unfolded. People put on a facade to try and make things work. You can only wear that mask for so long, though. At the end of the day, your true character and interests will always be revealed. Note to self: don’t pretend to be someone – or something – that you’re not.

Katya was very encouraging of me wanting to quit my job, move home, and write. I know Katya may not have the most developed work experience or resume, but she has so much life experience. I truly admire Katya’s view of the world. I want so badly to live my life the way she does. Katya says that you shouldn’t spend even one minute doing something that makes you unhappy. As you soon as you realize what is bringing you down, you need to change it up.

I could go on and on about Katya, but everything she says always makes so much sense to me. I’m sure some people probably listen to Katya and think she’s absolutely insane, irresponsible, and immature. Just like me! They’d be missing the point, though. Life is short. You better fucking live it while you have the chance.

For as long as I’ve known her, Katya has always been living her life to the fullest. That’s something I’ll always admire about her. Katya’s the person I strive to be in so many areas of my life. Our conversation at dinner really made me think twice about my living and work situations. I don’t know how I want to move forward with things, but these days I’m leaning more and more towards moving back home and handling the California adventure from there. One step at a time. At this point, the only thing I know for sure is that I’ll need a lot more money if I’m going to pull any of this off.

Oh, hell. That reminds me. I need to pay my rent.

At the end of the day, I want to be the happiest that I can be. Right now, I am not happy. That needs to change.

After dinner with Katya, I walked to the gym and did my thing. Following a quick stop at the liquor store for some beer, I stopped by the Witch Cave for about ten minutes to drop off my things and change. Melanie and Selena were celebrating their friend’s birthday at a condo building a few blocks away, and wanted me to join them. It was after 9 p.m. at this point, but I’d already said that I would go. I wanted to see the girls, so I made it happen.

I’ve failed to mention that Sebastian was at my apartment this whole time. I feel kind of bad for not entertaining the guy, but that’s not why he’s staying with me. Sebastian needed a place to sleep while he looked for a job, and that’s what he got. I’m not a tour guide, nor do I have the time to switch up my schedule and hang out with him all week.

While I was changing and packing a bag to take to the birthday party, I chatted with Sebastian quickly. As of today, he’s about 90% sure that he’s secured a place to live, which is good news. I was tempted to invite Sebastian to join me tonight, but I was selfish. I wanted my alone time with Melanie and Selena, so I didn’t extend an invitation. Besides, Sebastian said he was going to hit up a bar on Church Street later tonight anyway. Good.

As I was leaving the Witch Cave, Sebastian kissed me on the cheek. I found the whole thing quite odd, but didn’t have the time to delve into whatever Sebastian was trying to do. I had to leave. I was already late enough as it was.

After a short subway ride, I made it to the party. And by “party,” I mean it was me, Melanie, Selena, and three straight guys. Happy birthday, I guess? The host had just moved into the apartment, too. It was essentially a studio of cardboard boxes. We sat on the floor the entire night. It was fun, but the guys were kind of odd. I don’t enjoy having to request Lil’ Kim more than three times before she’s played. When I was forced to ask for “Big Momma Thang” six times tonight, I was not impressed.

As suspected, the party was quite casual. Amidst a fairly basic conversation, the group played a drinking game of Jenga, which Melanie and I made on the spot. After a few hours, I left with the girls. Melanie wanted to stay over at my place, but with a couple of beers in me and knowing Sebastian was also drinking, I figured something was going to happen between us tonight. I told the girls I would see them on Friday instead, and we parted at the subway station.

I walked home. By the time I got back to the Witch Cave, it was quite late. Sebastian was sitting on the couch as I quickly got myself ready for bed. Soon after I turned off the lights, I had an idea.

If you’re uncomfortable on the couch, you can sleep in the bed with me,” I offered Sebastian from across the room.

Sebastian must have been really uncomfortable. Without missing a beat, he said he was going to take me up on the offer and literally pole-vaulted himself into my bed.

The lights were still off. Sebastian was lying close to me – obviously, it’s a double bed – with his arm on my chest. We pillow talked about stupid things, like our favorite Disney movies. Even though it was pitch black, I was still laying down the moves – stroking Sebastian’s hand and staring intensely in his direction, my lips about two inches away from his.

Following a brief moment of silence, Sebastian had fallen into the trap I’d set. In one swift movement, he dove in and kissed me. We made out a lot from there. I wouldn’t say I was drunk, but I was definitely buzzed. Sebastian was too, which was likely why all of this happened so quickly.

We kissed for a long time. Eventually the grinding started, which naturally led to me reaching below the covers and feeling the sizable package between Sebastian’s legs.

Of course, one thing always leads to another. At least, they do in my bed. I instructed Sebastian to take his shorts off, he asked the same of me, and now we were both lying naked in my bed. Sebastian threw my legs onto his shoulders, then proceeded to thrust himself toward me – moving up and down along my ass, as if we were having sex. Guys love to do that, huh? I’ve actually had so many guys get off while performing that exact same move. Almost as many times as when I’m doing the same thing on top of them. It’s so strange. I wish I were that sensitive. I think it might have something to do with the guys being uncircumcised.

We switched positions. After a while of rubbing Sebastian down, I grabbed a bottle of lotion from my wall shelf and started working on myself. I have needs, too! When Sebastian climbed back on top of me, I decided this would be a good opportunity – and position – to change things up again. Have an oral moment, if you will.

After about thirty seconds, all was said and come. I had Sebastian so far down my esophagus that I barely felt anything. Just the faint taste of semen. Sebastian was big, by the way. Not that thick, but very long. Nevertheless, on that note I got myself off and came into my hand. I wasn’t in the mood for cleaning up a mess.

It was now very late. As such, Sebastian and I didn’t waste any time with more pillow talk. Almost immediately after we’d finished, I got up and cleaned myself off in the bathroom. Sebastian did the same in the kitchen. Note to self: use the Lysol wipes on all surface areas tomorrow morning!

We both got back into bed, me being completely exhausted and still slightly buzzed.

Well, that escalated quickly,” Sebastian said.

We both laughed, then passed out.

Goodnight xo

I received this Instagram notification from a spam account today. Get in line, sweetheart!

I received this Instagram notification from a spam account today. Get in line, sweetheart!

“Big Momma Thang” - Lil’ Kim