Oh, my God. What the hell did I do last night?
Not only did I go to bed at 1 a.m. and wake up with a hangover at 6 a.m., but I also had to drive north for a shift at The Store this morning. I was so fucking hungover. Two Tylenol, an attempted purge in the shower, and gallons of water later, I actually made it to the mall on time. I did my thing until 2 p.m. Fortunately, by that time, my hangover had subsided and I was back to normal. Well, mostly.
Much to my surprise, the hottie stranger I drunkenly messaged on Instagram last night replied to me this morning. The guy’s name is Travis Hartman. He lives in New York City and –
Sorry. I just spent the last ten minutes Googling Travis. Ugh. He’s so sexy.
Anyway, I’ve had a digital crush on Travis for a long time. Last night, I told him I was going to be in New York City soon “for work,” and that we should get drinks. Travis agreed. So, I guess it’s time to plan a trip to New York City!
Slowly but surely, I’m getting over the Logan thing more and more. Today has been a month since we last spoke. Although it feels like four years, it is what it is. I’m trying to extract the good things from my time with Logan and focus on those memories. That being said, I do still think he’s an asshole. If I ever speak to Logan again, which would have to be initiated on his part, I will let him know how I feel.
I drove to Casa Z after work. When I got home, Mom was in the kitchen. I casually mentioned a possible New York City trip for me after Ashley’s wedding in Montreal next month. I would take a separate car, and do the short drive to the Big Apple after the weekend’s festivities.
“Do you still talk to Logan?” Mom asked.
Without missing a beat, I glared at her and barked, “Don’t ever say that name to me again.”
“Oop! Okay,” Mom responded.
Obviously, Mom’s now aware that things did not end well between Logan and I. I don’t know if I’ll ever give her the full story. Mostly because I’m not sure what that would be. I’m still really confused by the whole situation, to be honest.
I made lunch, took a nap, worked out, and then drove back downtown. I ended up parking the car around 11 p.m., so I clearly took my sweet ass time with everything today. I’m not exactly in a rush to be anywhere. Also, when I take a nap in the afternoon, I sort of force myself to stay up later.
Walked to the Witch Cave from the parking garage. After downloading Grindr last night, I continued using it today. It’s actually so disgusting. I don’t know why I’m on it. I guess I’m bored. I want attention.
Lately, I’ve been trying to rebuild my confidence and self-esteem. I’m not exactly a troll, you know? It’s going to sound weird, and probably somewhat conceited, but I’m trying to own my sexuality a bit more. I want to start using my semi-good looks and unique attitude/personality to my advantage. The Chelsea Handler books/stories that I’ve been reading recently have reminded me that I have an edge. I want to use it more.
Alright. So, maybe I don’t have a ton of bankable job skills. So, what? I’m 6’1” (or 6’2” according to Grindr, where everyone lies about their height), I’m an attractive guy, and I can talk my way through just about anything. I’m trying to use all of that to my advantage. I don’t want to be an asshole, but I also don’t want to put up with people’s crap anymore. I like what I like. I do what I want. If someone doesn’t like that – or if I don’t like them – I’ll show them the door.
One thing that has really been fucking with me lately is social media. Instagram, in particular. Scrolling through my feed, it’s nothing but soft-core porn. An endless stream of half-naked men with insane bodies. It really takes a toll on my self-esteem like nothing else. I’ve come a long way in terms of my body image issues and confidence, but these guys are just ridiculous. The value placed on these “models” and high-profile accounts is nauseating. But, I keep telling myself that looks fade. I actually have a personality. I think that will take me further in life than any six-pack might. At least, I hope it will.
Bedtime around 1 a.m. again. I’m happy I didn’t drink tonight. Not that I could even stomach it after last night’s antics. But, still.
Goodnight xo