Another day, another dollar.
Worked at The Store from 7 a.m. to 12 p.m. this morning. It wasn’t completely horrible. I actually enjoy working with Alicia – she loves me. Alicia will let me get away with anything, all while we talk openly about everyone we work with. Although, that’s one thing I don’t enjoy as much.
The problem I’m having with Alicia is that she can be somewhat two-faced at times. Don’t get me wrong, I love the woman. We’ve always had a comfortable relationship. But, I also know that Alicia talks about me to other employees. Certain comments have found their way back to me in the past, typically in reference to something outside of work. Personal comments, which are often made in a very “read between the lines” kind of way.
My opinions on co-workers – very few, I might add – are all based in truth. I’m not making stuff up to cause drama. In the case of The Store, any comment I might make about a co-worker is usually something notable about their work habits, etc. I don’t set out to make catty, gratuitous comments, which is what I feel a lot of employees do. That being said, I also know how easily I can be gobbled up by the negativity of the Retail Monster. I have to watch my mouth.
Wrapped up at work around noon, and then went home to Casa Z. I worked on some job stuff for a while as my lunch was cooking, and after some phone calls and emails, I took a nap. Later, I did my full gym routine, featuring some laundry interludes. If that’s not multi-tasking, I don’t know what is.
Kate, Jessica, Natasha, and Natasha’s younger sister, Nicky, came over to watch a movie and hang out at Casa Z tonight. We talked, drank, talked some more, and watched Enchanted together in the basement.
Based on tonight’s conversations, let’s do a re-cap:
Kate is getting married in September
Jessica just bought a fucking house yesterday
Natasha is moving in with her boyfriend – who I still haven’t met – next month
When did all of this happen? Fuck. I always feel like I’m being lapped by everyone around me. How are all of my friends so far ahead in their lives? It leaves me wondering, “When things are going to happen for me?”
I really do want to write a book. The more I think about it, the more I believe that taking this opportunity to properly document my life stories could be a really strong step forward. However, such a venture would only be possible with a lot of time and careful planning involved. Transcribing over five years’ worth of writing will no doubt be a very long process. I want to do it, though. I think I need to.
I thought about Logan a lot today. I also shut down any sort of conversation about my love life with the girls tonight. Bryan’s been texting me a lot, too. He’s back in Saskatchewan for the weekend now.
At this point, I don’t know what I want when it comes to men. I know what I want for myself, though. I want to make things happen. I want to rule the fucking world, and I’m wondering if a relationship is going to interfere with that. Mind you, it’s not exactly like there was much happening in my life without a man. Hmm.
Watching Enchanted was rough for me at times tonight. That’s a fucked-up thing to say about a Disney Princess movie, but it was actually the New York City backdrop that had me feeling some kind of way. Obviously, the themes of love, too. However, New York City was essentially a prominent character in the film and – I don’t know.
I don’t know if I can go back to New York City for a while. It was difficult for me to look at all of the Manhattan spots in the movie, which Logan and I used to visit together. Part of it was also me knowing that, should I ever find the courage to return to New York City, Logan would be no more than fifteen minutes away from wherever I was. It sucks.
All of this is rejection. It’s messed up too, because it’s rejection that hasn’t been dealt with or communicated properly. Nonetheless, it’s still rejection. Let’s say it again. Rejection. I think that might be one of the worst feelings in the world.
The girls left around 1 a.m., I cleaned up, and then got ready for bed. Before falling asleep, I texted with Lauryn. She’s going through it with a guy she really thought she liked. Naturally, he turned on a dime and recently became a complete asshole. Sound familiar? I wonder if guys like that belong to a secret club?
Goodnight xo